Orgasm Denial

Looking to enhance your sexual experience, prolong pleasure or intensify desire? 

Orgasm denial is a surprisingly popular sexual activity explored solo, between partners, lovers or BDSM practitioners seeking to amplify their erotic interactions.

What is Orgasm Denial?

Orgasm denial is the act of restricting either your own or someone else’s orgasm. It is often combined with teasing (‘Tease and Denial’) and/or keeping the denied person in a state of sexual arousal without allowing any release.

This may sound like your worst nightmare but I assure you there are many benefits to withholding that blissful orgasmic fulfillment. It takes a lot of willpower to refrain from such a pleasurable act and can often be a way to introduce control into the bedroom, whether that is in the form of self-restraint or a venture into the world of BDSM with a partner.

For some, orgasm denial is a very personal activity undertaken only when masturbating alone. It is a great way to connect with your body and test your own limits as well as intensifying the orgasm when you eventually permit yourself to indulge. The act of repeatedly stimulating yourself through masturbation whilst withholding from orgasm is called edging (more on that later).

For others it’s all about strengthening an intimate bond with another person. There is no doubt about it, orgasm denial is a very intimate erotic activity but that doesn’t mean it’s only suited to people in a heavily committed, romantic relationship. There are many people who enjoy experiencing high levels of sexual arousal and excitement together without the release of orgasm. This kind of erotic exploration is suited to anyone of any gender, sexual orientation or relationship status and may take place in a variety of situations including the beginning of a new relationship; building excitement prior to physically engaging in sex, between a professional dominant and their client, as a self motivation activity to aid productivity or between a religious couple using chastity to abstain from pre-marital sex.

Often orgasm denial is about enhancing excitement and delaying sexual gratification, but in some situations it can also help with medical issues, anxieties or insecurities. Take my client, James, for example. He is a loving and devoted husband to his wife Angela but finds he reaches climax prematurely when they engage in penatrative sex together. Angela and James see me for monthly sessions to explore chastity and orgasm denial with the guidance of a professional. The more James is exposed to stimulating activity and situations without being permitted release, the more he gets used to delaying his orgasm when he and Angela are in bed together. The couple now regularly engage in chastity using the holy trainer for varying lengths of time.

A close up of a woman in red thong sat in front of a man in black boxer shorts

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How long should orgasm denial last?

How long you choose to deny yourself or your partner from that all-encompassing, body trembling, heart-pounding sensation of orgasm is entirely your choice. I recently wrote about chastity contracts; something you may wish to consider if you are interested in a serious engagement for a set duration of time. A formal contract allows each person involved to agree to a set of terms and conditions, along with acknowledging any rules, expectations, punishments and rewards involved.

For those interested in a less formalised type of play the duration of denial may be as short as a few minutes or as long as a few months. It could be dictated by a list of tasks, for example permitting your partner to orgasm only after they clean the house, complete a set list of chores or fulfil a number of your sexual desires. Alternatively orgasm denial could be more of a game. 

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Orgasm Denial Games

I wrote a separate article explaining my favourite chastity based games as a playful way to incorporate orgasm denial into your relationship, explore and adapt them to suit your dynamic. A few brief examples below, but for a more in-depth description of each game, along with plenty more ideas visit my Orgasm Denial Games article.

  • Point System: Allocate your partner a number of points for set tasks and assignments which can later be exchanged for rewards
  • Excite me with words: What could be more sexy than personally written erotica?
  • Movie Night: Watch a film or TV series with your partner (or by yourself) and set up a series of words and associated consequences.
  • Coin Toss: A very simple game involving the flip of a coin. When it comes to an opportunity for the submissive to be allowed release from their chastity belt or even permitted an orgasm, their fate lies in the hands of a coin. 
  • Chastity raffle: Write a list of set dates, rewards and punishments on equally sized pieces of paper and ask the submissive to pick one from a jar. 
  • How many days?: Roll a dice (or several) to decide how long you or your partner will be denied.

However you choose to implement orgasm denial, it’s likely there will be an element of power involved. And, while the denied person may beg and plead for a shorter sentence, the chances are that what they actually desire is some affectionate yet firm control. Chastity requires a lot of non-judgemental communication between everyone involved and if your partner consents, try pushing them just that bit beyond what they think they are capable of! If your partner thinks they can go a week without release then try setting the initial duration to 10 days.

A close up of a woman's red thong around her ankles

The combination of control and orgasm denial is incredibly powerful, but make sure that you are checking in with each other and don’t forget about health and safety when you’re caught up in the moment! With regular cleaning and inspection there is no reason your chastity fun can’t last several months, until the person in control has their chaste partner tending their every need!

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Is Orgasm Denial Harmful?

There is no medical evidence proving that reducing the number or frequency of orgasms a person has can cause long term health risks, especially given that what is considered a ‘normal’ amount of orgasms varies drastically from person to person due to factors such as age, relationship status and lifestyle. However, people with testicles may experience a temporary swelling sensation known as ‘blue-balls’ if there is a consistent amount of teasing involved in edging / orgasm denial. Some studies have questioned the link between regular ejactulations and the reduction in risk of developing prostate cancer later in life for men or AMAB folk.

While we highly encourage exploring orgasm denial and chastity here at HoD, we do not recommend permanent denial and feel strongly that anyone involving themselves in a chastity dynamic should voice openly and honestly any concerns regarding health with one another on an on-going basis. You can find more information on maintaining a happy and healthy chastity relationship in our health and hygiene post.

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Edging (Tease and Denial)

Edging, chastity and orgasm denial are often used interchangeably but while they can seem quite similar they all have slightly different meanings/implications. Edging and chastity are both ways of denying someone an orgasm but edging is the act of repeatedly bringing yourself (or someone else) close to orgasm and then stopping, while chastity is the act of refraining from sexual stimulation or orgasm (often by using a chastity device).

The main difference is that with edging, the inference is that the person in control will erotically stimulate the person being edged (or instruct them to touch their own genitals in a stimulating way). Edging often leads to an orgasm - even if there is a prolonged duration between when someone starts edging (or being edged) and when they orgasm. This duration may be over a period of a few minutes to several weeks but the intention is that orgasm will be permitted when the dominant partner allows.

Man and woman laid on a bed

You may be wondering why anyone would want to prevent an orgasm or repeatedly build up with no immediate release, but edging is a very erotically charged interaction and keeps the anticipation building for much longer than if either person were to orgasm at the first opportunity. Edging can be done through any sexual act that you find arousing such as genital touch, oral sex, penetration or a prostate massage and when release is finally permitted the orgasm(s) are often much more powerful and all encompassing than those achieved when no edging is involved.

For people who enjoy the idea of orgasm denial and are male / AMAB (assigned male at birth) one of the most common reasons is the infamous one-orgasm-per-session followed by an extensive refractory period that a lot of people experience. Edging can prolong the pre-orgasmic state and can also help to learn how to control release, decreasing the chance of premature ejaculation. Orgasm denial, especially combined with edging, increases testosterone and can lead to longer lasting and harder erections.

In women / AFAB (assigned female at birth) folx it is commonly reported that reaching climax in a desirable time frame or simultaneously with a partner can be difficult to achieve. When arousal is heightened via orgasm denial, the clitoris becomes more swollen and increasingly sensitive to stimulation. Edging can not only ramp up vulva responsiveness but also increase overall sexual desire/drive making it easier to climax.

Many people think of edging as being for a shorter duration than chastity and assume that orgasm will happen at some point during the first interaction but I have found it especially fun to maintain excitement and connection in a long-distance relationship by instructing my partner to edge themselves whenever they masturbate. By that I mean allowing them to pleasure themself whenever they desire but not permitting any orgasm until I see them in-person. This turns the act of edging into a longer-duration form of orgasm denial but still permits touch and stimulation unlike chastity.

Close up of a woman in a red thong sat on the thighs of a man in black boxers

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Chastity Devices

When edging, orgasm is the final goal whereas when exploring chastity, the focus is more on denial than release. Chastity can be entirely mental restraint but is most commonly associated with the use of a chastity device (also referred to as a chastity belt); either a cage for penis owners or a harness for vulva owners. Chastity cages come in a variety of designs and materials, at HoD we stock silicone, plastic and metal penis cages.

It’s easy to forget that sex doesn’t have to start when you get into bed at night, but can be a much more immersive, long-lasting experience stimulating the mind as well as the body. Using a chastity device is a constant reminder of the agreement between you and a partner, a reminder that you are in a state of complete orgasmic denial.

There are many ways to indulge in the experience of chastity and most commonly it incorporates an element of power that's synonymous with dominance and submission. BDSM isn’t the only way to enjoy chastity but it certainly is a fun one! A few simple text reminders throughout the day between lovers can really enhance the experience of getting your brain engaged and focused while enjoying the very physical restrictions, not to mention the above mentioned list of Orgasm Denial Games work wonderfully with the combination of a chastity cage too!

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Ruined Orgasm

A ‘ruined orgasm’ is when something is done to stop an impending orgasm or to make the release less satisfying. This kind of act is most often performed in a BDSM scene between a dominant and submissive and is even more common between female dominants (femdoms) with male submissives. It is not an expectation within any BDSM scene but is a specific act that should only be carried out if all people involved have discussed and consented to the activity.

Unlike a forced orgasm, where the dominant partner uses sex toys or other methods to extract/inflict an orgasm (which may be very pleasurable) from/on their submissive, a ruined orgasm is all about minimising the pleasure of climax. This is usually done to enhance the power dynamic, for the amusement of the dominant and to enforce the derogatory position of their submissive.

A ruined orgasm isn’t usually a painful experience physically but can be very psychologically tormenting. They are a powerful way to remind the submissive person that the dominant is entirely in control of when they receive pleasure and show that even if the submissive achieves orgasm the dominant has the power to make it worthless. Unlike with edging, there is no preparation required for a ruined orgasm and (as long as they have consent) the dominant partner could choose to ruin any orgasm they permit their submissive to have. For this reason ruined orgasm isn’t technically orgasm denial as it involves reaching climax but it definitely takes away the enjoyment!

Pastel colour vibrator in hands

Please note: I have altered the names of my clients to protect their identity. I’d also like to remind you that regardless of your relationship dynamic, having a safe word is always advisable as is clear, honest communication. Never be afraid to speak to a doctor if you have any concerns regarding your mental and/or physical wellbeing.

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Share your thoughts and experiences of Orgasm denial with us in the comments below or by tweeting us at @HouseofDenial and @Mistress_Thorne.

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