The time has come, you and your partner have discussed this multiple times and you’ve decided to give male chastity a try. Congratulations! Welcome to a whole new world of experiences, we hope you’ll love it as much as we do.

Some people always have an interest in chastity - maybe it’s inspired by medieval portrayals of chaste maidens locked up in more ways than one. Maybe it’s a way to prove your dedication to your partner. Maybe it’s just something different and you think it sounds interesting - whatever your reasons, they’re all valid and we’re here to help you navigate the wide open seas of chastity.

Where do you begin?

A good question indeed! The first thing we would recommend is having an open and honest conversation with your partner or your Dominant. What do you want to get out of chastity? Do you want to do it as part of a kinky play scene? Do you want to try it as part of an “ordinary day” scenario?

We cannot stress this enough - open and honest communication is the base-line that everyone should start from. This applies to multiple areas of life. Particularly a relationship and especially sexual fantasies/kinks. If your partner is trusting you with the knowledge of their innermost desires, you should listen and respect them for having the courage to discuss them with you. Even if it involves a kink that you don’t like or that grosses you out, don’t shame them for it. Fantasy is not real life. It’s a safe place for your person to trust you and hopefully have fun in exploring something together!

This also applies if you are a Dominant with a submissive who wants to try chastity. What are their aims for it? Is there a particular scenario that they want to role-play? Is the chastity also tied to humiliation? There are so many questions so again, open and honest communication. There’s no room for embarrassment here.

What’s next?

So now it’s on to choosing a device! For people trying a device out for the first time, we folks here at the House of Denial would probably recommend a silicone cage. Reasonably priced, lots of variation in models and colours and a bit more forgiving for those newbies.

You’ve got your choice of plastic/resin, silicone or metal. As with all things, they have their merits depending on what you want. Plastic devices are the nicest middle-ground, metal devices are perfect for heavy play scenes and pushing the limits of your chastity. Silicone is excellent for day-to-day wear and comfort owing to the flexible nature of the material.

Measure yourself and don’t fudge the measurements! You tend to need to know the length of your shaft when flaccid, the width of your shaft when soft and the girth of your shaft and balls (taken from behind the sack and around).

For first-timers to chastity, our personal recommendations are:

Silicone HoD600 / HoD600s - Available in a range of colours

Plastic clear HoD600 (standard size) or HoD600S (small size). Both of these cages are also available in other colours, which you can find here.

All of these options are inexpensive and a good starting point.

The device is in my hands, tell me more!

Okay, slow down buddy! Before this goes anywhere near your below-belt head, you need to use your top head! Get used to the device and test it thoroughly. Take it apart and put it back together again. Get familiar with it - as hopefully you’ll be spending a lot of time in it. Does the device slot together again easily? Is the locking mechanism a little stiff? Do the keys remove nice and easily once it’s locked? Are there any sharp or rough edges on the device? These are all things you need to know before putting any form of intimate device on - Mistress K does exactly this and more with vibrators, dildos, floggers, the lot.

If you feel there’s something maybe not perfect with the device, always contact the supplier. It might be a case that the locks turn easier with use, or the mechanism is meant to be slightly stiff to ensure the device stays firmly sealed - but if you don’t ask, you won’t know.

Now your queries have been answered, it’s time to get that device on!

Walk me through the process, Mistress K

As with all good things in life, slow and steady is the key. It’s extremely likely that you’re going to get an erection trying to put the device on with all the excitement. That’s fine and normal - healthy even! However, it can be frustrating if you just want to move things along.

Top tips to help “defuse” the situation are: ask your partner/Dominant to leave the room if you need to. It’s not rude, it’s adding pressure to the situation - honestly is always the key. Think unsexy thoughts - tried but true! Take lots of deep, calming breaths. It’s not easy with your junk in your hands, but do your best. And if all that fails, take a cold shower. The cold will definitely kill your erection but the cold also serves to constrict your blood vessels, making everything a bit smaller. In this situation, that’s an excellent thing.

So now that you’re in the ideal flaccid state, coat your flaccid penis, the inside of the cage and inside edge of the ring in lube. There’s a whole host of thoughts and feelings about chastity devices and lube. Should you use lube? Would oil be better? Water-based lube or silicone lube? It’s entirely up to you, and what you feel most comfortable with, however we’ve found that water-based lubes tend to work best for putting on. Oil doesn’t tend to last as long (unless you use a heavy oil like olive oil) and silicone-based lubes can disintegrate silicone-based products over time. However, it really is personal preference and what you’re comfortable with - the market is always expanding with amazing new and fancy lubes, so experiment! Find one you love and use that but for the love of your poor phallus, just use lube. Also, we don’t recommend using “tingle” lube or “heat” lube - those are for novelty purposes, and fun sexual interactions - not for long-term comfort.

I’m lubed, in the cage and it’s locked. I’m in chastity, we’re all done, right?

Hold your horses! Before you begin moving further down the glorious path of chastity, the final safety precaution. The keys. There’s two main scenarios with chastity and keys. One is that you and your partner are doing this together, the other is that you’re paying a Mistress or Master to hold your keys.

If it’s you and your partner doing this together, fantastic! Separate the keys - most devices will come with at least 2 keys for the device. You keep one and your partner keeps one - maybe adorned around their neck so you can see it constantly and be reminded of this secret between you. That’s all fantastic! You still need to keep one of the keys for yourself. This can be difficult if you’re feeling the beautiful constriction of your cock and your partner’s chest is all flushed with how much they’re turned on by this and all you want to do is get on your knees and obey their every command. We’ve all been there. However, in the potential event that the necklace comes off during play time, and falls between the slats in the bed, or gets thrown into the corner of a room and later, the two of you are pulling the room apart to find the keys and getting anxious about what happens if you can’t find them - are you going to have to go to A&E, what will people say -- just stop. Separate the keys, save both of you the stress and the hassle, and put another key in a safe and secure place.

Divide and conquer. That’s all we’re saying.

Now, if you are in a keyholder arrangement, good for you! Keeping one of the keys is even more essential. We cannot stress this enough. KEEP A KEY FOR YOURSELF. Any Dom/me worth their salt will entirely understand that this is for safety and emergency purposes. In the event that you need the keys and your Keyholder is out of town or doesn’t even live in the same city/country as you, you should have one available. Safe, sane and consensual are the cornerstones of the fetish scene. They’re good and sensible things to remember - so keep a key.

If you and your keyholder want, you can put the key in a lockbox and they know the combination. It doesn’t have to be clinical, it can still be sexy and fun - it just also needs to be safe.

Wow, okay. I’ve got the second key somewhere safe. Where do we go from here?

Time to check how you’re feeling. Ask yourself many questions (don’t worry, we’ll help you out with this at the end of the sentence) and move about. How is the device sitting? Is there any discomfort? Does the device feel like it’s slipping or pulling forward? What colour are your testicles? Is the ring tight or loose?

A device that fits you well shouldn’t be too uncomfortable. The only vague discomfort you should feel is if you’re trying to get hard. Otherwise, the device should just be comfortable. If there’s discomfort that lasts for more than a few minutes, then take the device fully off and see if you can identify what was uncomfortable. Was there too much friction? Then add more lube. The locking section of the device should be close, but not flush, against your treasure trail. If the device is pulling forward and is exposing part of the shaft, then it’s likely that the device shaft is too short for you - a nice problem to have!

So if that’s all looking okay, time to check your testes. How are they doing? Are they tight? Is there any rubbing? If there’s rubbing then you need a slightly bigger ring, so go for the next size up. Your testes should not be changing colour. If they’re turning blue or purple, take the device off. Now. If they’re getting dark, you’re risking cutting circulation off or potential torsion. Neither of those is a good thing, so just take it all off and order another ring.

If you have the chance to increase your time in a chastity device slowly and surely - like extending it by an hour or so a day, and then after a few weeks trying an overnight, we feel this is the safest way. It gives your body the time to adjust to the feeling of the device and allows you to test out how wearing a device feels with your daily routine - especially if you’re going to the gym regularly. We appreciate that’s not something everyone can do, but slow and steady is a great way to start chastity especially if your plans are for longer-term chastity.

Any other words of wisdom for me?

The last big point that I’d make is regarding longer term chastity, health and cleanliness. Wash every day. Twice if you do a physically exerting job or are exercising. Soap and water is more than enough to do the job and most devices have a urethral opening and side shaft openings. The health of you, all of you, should be tantamount to everything you do. We know that some people are let out of their devices daily or weekly to fully wash the device and themselves before going back in. It’s about what works for you and your partner/Keyholder.

Wearing chastity is no excuse for not being hygienic. To not remain clean is a discredit to yourself and your partner/Keyholder - take pride in your submissive decisions and look after yourself. So stay sharp and clean!

The other final big point is about play or unintended interaction with the device. If your cage gets struck - during play or by someone accidentally hitting you with their briefcase on the train, we recommend exercising caution and removing the device to check that the device and you are both okay. You should never ignore any signs of discomfort, itchiness or pain when wearing a chastity device - the British Stiff Upper Lip is not your response to these symptoms. Embarrassment, frustration or disappointment are small prices to pay for having to remove your device early as opposed to any potential injuries. Use your common sense.

Otherwise, we have no more real advice for you. It might seem like there’s a lot to consider and take on board, but most chastity journeys are smooth once you’ve gotten over a few initial hurdles. This article isn’t entirely inclusive of all the things you might need to consider or all the issues that you might encounter, but it’s a good starting point.

So for those of you who have skim-read the article or looked at it and thought TL;DR, have some helpful bullet points instead:

  • Communication - Communicate about your needs and desires with your partner/Keyholder.

  • Choose your device - Make sure you measure yourself accurately and have fun.

  • Test the device - Get acquainted with it - get familiar with how it all works.

  • Separate the keys and keep one safe at all times - Always, ALWAYS have access to a key in case of emergencies.

  • Use lube - Lube is always the BEST idea. Do not try to put a device on dry.

  • Check yourself - Are you comfortable? Is there pain or are things changing colour? If so, remove immediately.

  • Stay clean - It’s just nasty otherwise. Wash regularly with soap and water.

With that, enjoy the world of male chastity. Things will never be the same again - it’s magnificent. Welcome, and have fun!

If you have any questions or comments (maybe we've left something out of this guide that you think we should include) please don't hesitate to contact us here to let us know.