I had a conversation with a friend the other day and the topic of permanent chastity came up. He’s worn a chastity cage for short periods of time through the last few years and has now come to the conclusion that he wants to make it permanent. The conversation went something like this:
“Oh wow, that’s a big step,” I said when he first told me. “How have you come to this decision?”
“Well, I really like the idea of the long term commitment. It’s going really well and I think she’d like it if I suggested it to her.”
Mistake number 1 - Communication
Until that point I was the only person he’d discussed this with.
He, let's call him Tom, has been devoted to his girlfriend and Mistress of 6 years since before they became a couple. They met on the kink scene and hit it off immediately. After a few play sessions both at events and in private she collared him and he became hers. It was a beautiful thing to see and the relationship, both personally and in a kink sense, blossomed over the following years.
She introduced him to chastity after seeing a number of other submissive men wearing them. They both found it very beneficial to their dynamic and before long he was wearing his cage for a month at a time before being granted a release. This went on for years, with the lock up time being varied depending on her needs. He was usually unlocked once a week to either be allowed to masturbate and orgasm or teased and denied if he didn’t meet her very high standards. On a few occasions she let him out of his cage and ruined his orgasm, which he couldn’t deny wasn’t only deserved but also required to keep him in line.
Here’s where it was now going wrong. If he was really contemplating permanent chastity it’s not only his in this situation, but hers too. Proposing the idea of being locked permanently should be the first step so that you can both discuss it together and come to a conclusion as a collective. Having one person make the decision could lead to issues. Some submissive's love the idea of their dominant partner or a dominatrix making all the decisions for them (this happens in high protocol, ‘extreme female led relationship’ or FLR), but consent is key, as it is in any relationship.
The lesson here is talk to your partner before making any decision, particularly is that involves something that will be permanent.
I bit my tongue and he carried on talking.
“I’ve found a cage that’s really comfortable and the extra bit of room in the cage means there’s a nice amount of teasing pain when Mistress plays with me.”
“So there’s some space at the end of the cage? You don’t fill the cage to the end? Does the back ring fit you well? Your balls don’t change colour at all?
“No, I don’t fill it to the end, but that’s OK. As I say, there’s room to grow into. The back ring fits fine. Some discolouration at times, but that it goes away when I settle down. Nothing to worry about.”
Mistake 2 - Make sure you have a chastity cage and back ring that fit correctly
Actually, despite his claims, there are a few things to worry about here.
Firstly the cage fit. You should really fill the cage to the end to minimise any growth when you attempt to get erect. This will stop the cage pulling forwards, which can cause some friction underneath the back ring. From my experience sleeping next to my caged submissive, it can lead to discomfort and waking up numerous times during the night as a result. Not ideal, for either of us. This Mistress needs her sleep!
Next up to confront is the back ring. So many men think that going for the smallest back ring will offer the highest level of security and that going small will stop you from pulling out. I understand the logic, but it’s flawed. For long term wear it’s not only essential for your comfort that the ring fits properly, but for your health too. Cutting off your blood flow can have catastrophic consequences and will land you in the hospital if you don’t deal with the problem quickly. Having your plums turn a deep shade of purple isn’t good, so measure correctly before deciding on a ring that you’ll wear all the time.
Another thing to consider with the back ring is the weather. Sounds strange, but hear me out. During the warmer months of the year you’ll find that your genitals become more, what’s the word, engorged? If you have a Master or Mistress and they’ve held ice to your balls (quite fun if you haven’t tried it. Thinking about the moans and screams it elicited brings back enjoyable memories) you’ll know all about the flip side of this. Your cock and balls shrink and try their very best to hibernate back inside your body. For this reason you should probably have back rings available in different sizes to make adjustments depending on the temperature.
On we went…
“I keep seeing guys on Twitter posting videos where they snap the key off or superglue the lock shut. Really brave decision, but I think I’d like to do it.”
Mistake 3 - Don’t snap the key or superglue the lock
That does it! I’m now pulling my hair out and uncontrollably shaking. For fuck sake, please, please don’t do that. It makes for a great video and loads of people will share it, but from my perspective it’s incredibly irresponsible. There are many reasons for this, which I’ll share with you now:
- What happens in the case of a medical emergency if you’re not able to remove the lock and release yourself? Did you think what might happen if your balls swell up or an abrasion forms on your penis? I don’t think you did!
- If your body responds to the environment (see mistake 2) and if the back ring is too small you need to be able to unlock yourself or have someone else do it so that you can change to a different ring size.
- Hygiene. I can’t impress this on you enough. Remove your cage at least once a week (and I mean at least) for a thorough cleaning. If you haven’t been circumcised a build up of smegma will form under your foreskin. It’s not healthy letting it build up and the smell can be unpleasant. Do us all a favour and keep yourself clean. For your health and the benefit of others who don’t have to smell you.
- Orgasms are healthy! According to a Harvard study, “compared to men who reported 4-7 ejaculations per month across their lifetimes, men who ejaculated 21 or more times a month enjoyed a 31% lower risk of prostate cancer”. So, if you ever needed an excuse, regular milking isn’t only pleasurable, but also medically recommended. Just make sure that you shower properly after each milking if you cum while caged to ensure you remain clean.
So there you have it ladies, locked up boys and sissy girls, that’s my argument against permanent chastity. There is a ‘but’ though.
When many of you hear the words “permanent chastity” I suspect you’ll think that means you’re never, ever going to be unlocked again. It’s a lovely fantasy, but the reality is quite different. For the reasons I’ve already mentioned there are numerous occasions where being unlocked from your cage is necessary. If you have a Master, Mistress or keyholder consider having them cuff you while you’re unlocked so you’re still unable to touch yourself. Self locking will require more discipline, but the rewards for doing so are great.
My final words are simple. Be smart and safe. If your keyholder decides that you’re to be locked in chastity permanently without any access to the key your consent is always needed. Trust is earned, on both sides. If a random domme on Twitter orders you to lock yourself and send them the only key, please...please...please don’t do that. Be smart, sensible and safe.
Promise, this is the last one. For fuck sake, DON’T BREAK THE KEY TO YOUR CAGE OFF IN THE LOCK. Can’t say I didn’t warn you.